Candy is evil.
It's addictive, and it kills. It is legal crack. If candy weren't in existence, how might the world be different? How many lives would extend, athletes emerge, and diabetics cease their sobs in the night, depressed by the denial of access to the pervasive stuff that binds us to its memory, a binding fashioned as Gollum was bound to the ring? The world needs a candy Frodo to expel the ubiquitous power of this Earth's one ring: candy.
Of course, that's not how I really feel, but it's fun to read, right?
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