The Coraline Corollary

I would have to say that I am a fairly functional adult-type. As an adult-type, I:

1.) pay for my own food,
2.) shelter,
3.) clothing,
4.) phone,
5.) transportation,
6.) and school.

Also,

7.) I have a job (I have two jobs).
8.) I do not embarrass myself in public (often. Also, I do not wear sweatpants in public.)
9.) I can carry a delightful conversation about various culturally significant topics of our day, including feminism, Distopian societies, global warming, and online shopping.

So why do I feel like a failure?

1.) The food I pay for is mostly ice cream.
2.) I live in an apartment styled after a college dorm.
3.) I am, as a preservice English teacher, destined to dress like this:





. . . which is one step up from the Renaissance fair. But that's not saying much.

4.) I frequently misplace my phone. Once I misplaced it in the refrigerator.

5.) I have no car,

6.) I have been going to school for a loooooong, long time. I will never escape the vortex.

7.) My jobs are temporary,

8.) I often trip and/or fall without apparent cause except gravity,

and

9.) I know nothing about politics (except that although everyone wants everyone to be happy, no one is).