10 Things I Will Not Miss When I Am No Longer a Student

1. Phenomenal academic power . . . itty, bitty living space.
2. 80 hour weeks, split 17 different ways.
3. Reading thousands of pages per week.  At gunpoint.
4. Oh, you want to go somewhere? Forget about it. You can't afford a car, fool!
5. Feeling guilty for not doing homework after 11pm.
6. Forgetting to eat.
7. Ten different teachers with ten slightly different policies about class.
8. "You must write an academic paper about something to do with this class. You also must feel passionately about it. If you do not feel passionately about your thesis, which must be completely unique and your own (despite the fact that yes, Shakespeare has been studied for centuries, and no, there is no possible way you can look at Shakespeare in a unique, passionate way, but I do require that, so if you can't, you fail, and yes, you absolutely can't, because like I said, it has literally (HA!) all been done before), then you must allow yourself to be publicly ridiculed at least eight times, preferably at the beginning of class, so we can make it last all two hours."
9. Your body is not your own. You have surrendered it to academia. You may think you can eat well and exercise all semester long, but the truth is, there is no freaking way you can manage that. So get used to the fluff, peach. And the gross feeling of being habitually sedentary, because that is not changing. No, ma'am.
10. WHAT DOES "MLA" EVEN STAND FOR?!