Shoes =/= Men

I wrote this essay for my English 150 class.

Ladies: let's get real.

Have you ever bought shoes, even though they didn't exactly fit you, or maybe they weren't made well? They're so adorable, you know you can't live without them. Did they then give you blisters? It hurts, and walking becomes a chore of infinite pain. However, if the wounds have time to heal, the pain will be replaced with calluses that prevent the chasm of hurt from swallowing you yet again. Love is not like that. Dating should not be approached like a shoe shopping spree: for one thing, a wardrobe of men is appalling. Shoes, unlike men, always wear out. Unlike men, shoes are, in fact, inanimate objects, and in love, "calluses" don't help but hinder.

It's fun and fulfilling to have a whole wardrobe of various shoes to go with various outfits, meant for various occasions. This is neither socially acceptable nor emotionally beneficial in romantic relationships: commitment is a core value in romance. The commitment a woman feels for a shoe may be intense, but it never will meet the level needed for marriage; at best the bond may reach that of serious dating, but no more.

You may say, "but, I'm not looking to get married. I just want to date a lot of boys: there's nothing wrong with that!" However, there is something wrong with that philosophy: it does not serve the end goal of dating, which is marriage. Yes, it is uncomfortable to acknowledge that dating leads to a relationship, which leads to marriage. Avoiding the discomfort, however, also entails avoiding the happiness of a successful marriage. Marriage without commitment is not a real marriage at all, but a parody of a much more beautiful institution

You can't afford to become too attached to a pair of shoes, because they never last. I expect every single pair of shoes I ever buy to either wear out or become a faux pas. However, I expect the man of my life to stay in my life forever, and never wear out or become a thing of the past. Of course, there seems to be a growing trend of marriages not lasting. It's hard to take a look around, see the number of failed marriages, and still believe: "I can trust this person. I can stop shopping now."

It is easy to let this mental complex bleed into our dating lives.

It's easy to say to ourselves, "What's wrong with shopping for shoes? Why settle for one man? Don't I want to have fun?" The answer to these questions is a resounding "no." In life, we sometimes need to do the hard thing, because it yields what we actually want. In this case, the easy thing is, in the end, empty.

Shoes have no brains; they have no hearts. Men, however, are a different story: they are people, too. As a woman who grew up with mostly sisters, it was a day of revelation when the thought crossed my mind, "Men have feelings, too." Embarrassed? Yes I am. True? Yes it is.

With the influence of romantic comedies in the perspective of Jennifer Lopez, or Meg Ryan, we gain the false notion that the emotions and uncertainty of a relationship are only experienced from the woman's side. Men know everything, and never worry nor doubt their abilities to, in the end, get the girl.

Of course, if you're Patrick Dempsey or Matthew McConaughey, that makes a lot of sense. Real men, on the other hand, are real people. They have doubts, and are probably just as emotional as we are. Without doubt, that means the companionship is better: where shoes don't care if they go or stay, work or fail, are loved or hated --- well, men care. There is an emotional investment, because they are emotional beings, too. Although a much more difficult, less linear relationship, it is, by far, better than shoes.

A love "callus" will not help you wear the "shoe" more comfortably. An emotional callus is detrimental. In this analogy, it's like never even trying on a new pair of shoes, no matter how cute they are. Even when the callused individual puts on a new pair, instead of enjoying them, all that is focused on is the previous formation of a callus, and the presence of it still.

It doesn't matter how long ago the callus was made, the effect will always be the same.  In love, it's best to have fresh feet. Letting previous relationship woes affect how the present relationship is viewed will invite all the reasons for the previous failures to fail the present one, even though the reasons don't have pertinence (per se).

Dating leads to marriage. For this reason, men are not shoes. Men are not collectible, because if you try to collect many, you don't really have even one. If you commit to each other, your relationship doesn't have to wear out, because real people last. However, relationships don't work with calluses. Dating and marriage follow a different set of rules than shopping for shoes, and following the rules for shoe shopping is detrimental in a romantic relationship.

It's simple, but so hard to practice: love is not like shopping for shoes.