I am a Tribute (Obituary)

PROVO, Ut -- Heidi B., the perpetual student, of Brigham Young University, has died. She was ...well, it's curious, saying the age of a woman, even a dead one, even if I'm not saying, but just typing it, seems impolite. Let's just say she was old enough to drink, and young enough to die good. Even though she didn't drink, and she wasn't really good, either.

Heidi, a left-hander, was 741-0 with two near-wins and five comically predictable strike-outs only in the last year.

Heidi suffered and died from complications due to what medical experts called a "massive BSR stroke" (while reading, of course) caused, doctors say, by an unusual combination of extreme boredom, extreme seclusion, and massive reading. Apparently the brain really can only handle a quantifiable amount of proportionate salmations of these three things, and doctors estimate that she had exceeded the normal limits of "so much" in the eighth grade. "It's a wonder," said one expert, "that she made it as long as she did. It really was only a matter of time."

Witnesses claim that she died laughing.

According to Heidi's friends, she was "nice --- but a little strange." One friend said, "I felt bad for her, because she just didn't fit in -- I mean, she really, really didn't. I just wanted to help her be normal, but it was totally beyond her to even see normal. It's like she didn't even realize how weird she was. Or she liked being abnormal. I think she was pretty near-sighted, actually. She told me her contact prescription once, and I sort of wondered if it were legal for someone so impaired to drive."

Heidi's family had nothing to say on the subject of her death. When questioned, they asked, "Who?" and then, "she's dead? What are you talking about? Stop being ridiculous. I don't have time for one of these games."

According to several facebook tests, she most likely was color blind, had road rage, dandruff, schizophrenia, technophobia, androphobia, and would most likely date both George AND Fred Weasley if she were a student at Hogwarts. Of course that means the opposite (Except the part about androphobia).

Heidi was pursuing a degree in English Teaching, which she unfortunately did not obtain prior to her death.  She has exactly zero major (or minor. She was minoring in humanities) accomplishments to speak of.

She is survived by ...well, no one. She never did get around to making one of those family-things, and her apartment contract forbade pets of any kind.

At least she died laughing.

Leaves From Trees

My friend Bergen and I took some pictures today:

Thanks, Bergen!

I Am a Rock Star.

Mark: How old are you?
Me: (Rolls eyes) I'm 23.
Mark: (Surprised) Oh!
Me: (a little irritated. because 23 shouldn't be surprising.) How old are YOU?
Mark: (taken aback) I'm 23.
Me: Well you know what they say about being 23.
Mark: Yeah, nobody likes you.
Me: (Realizing I just found my new best friend).

Waves

Waves

When all I long for

are deep, deep roots.

Passing me from shore

to Shore,

like a coin from

patron to vender,

again and again -

waves upon waves.

This sea is endless.

I'm sick of remembering

the precious things

of my past,

which now ride waves

of their own.

Alive.

I know that worms are supposed to be disgusting (and bugs in general, I guess). But look at the texture of this wet worm, and the shape of his curl, and the lines of his body, and the color of his innards!

"I love to see the temple..."

"Down in the valley, valley so low- hang your head over, hear the wind blow! "

"Photograph" literally means "portrait of light."

I hope Brittany all the best as she serves in the Everett, Washington mission!

Whoever thought that ants could be so lovely?

They look like candies... candies with legs. They can walk down your throat.

"May we ever be exemplary in our homes and faithful in keeping all of the commandments that we may harbor no hidden wedges but rather remember the Savior's admonition: 'By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.'"

-President Thomas S. Monson, The Peril of Hidden Wedges

"Directive."

-Eve, Walle

"You electrify my life. Let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive."

-Muse, Starlight

Friends+Caves=Fun.

Here is our whole group. Aren't we pretty?
Oh and here's one more who decided to come along for the ride. He's pretty, too, right?
We found the lost boys' hideout. Watch out alien invaders, we know where to hide.
It's complete with bedroll. We'll even be comfortable when the aliens come. That's not what they were expecting, I expect.

Katherine was very graceful, not to mention brave.
King Jake is making an announcement. The announcement is, "I am King!"

This cave was not small, as far as caves are concerned. As far as rooms are concerned, it's pretty small, actually.
Bergen found a fossil!

...and I found a bug. Of course.